


There’s a Place That I’ve Been Going

by cobblestaubrey



Series: figure my heart out [9]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Gigi is big mad, Jackie-centric, Light Angst, Post-Break Up, Probably the weirdest assortment of main characters in any of these fics LOL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestaubrey/pseuds/cobblestaubrey
Summary: "She’d look at her unmade bed, imagining Jan on the other side, her blonde hair cascading around her like the afterglow of their nights together.There were women. There were always women, especially in the big apple. At the library, at the gym, in class.The women, though, they looked. And she tried, she tried so hard to look, and to smile, and to be someone to someone else."Jackie's alone, now. She tries to be, at least. That might not work out for her.
Relationships: Brita Filter/Aiden Zhane (mentioned), Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Series: figure my heart out [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792651
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	There’s a Place That I’ve Been Going

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, wow, wow! Two more to go after this! I hope you guys like this one, I think the dialogue is the most important part (which is good! I love dialogue, and last story had some, but not a ton!) so, yeah!

Jan got almost everything back from Jackie.

Almost.

Jackie forgot to do her laundry that week, because honestly, who would want to do anything after a substantial break up?

One of Jan’s flannels was left behind - not an important one, like the purple and black one she wore so often, or the green and blue one she wore as pajamas during the colder months. 

This one was red - Jackie could just barely recall when Jan had ever worn it - but then she remembered taking it off of the blonde woman, watching it pool on the floor, and throwing Jan’s jeans into the pile, and suddenly she didn’t want it anywhere near her.

It was too late to give it back, though, she surmised, and before she could put it down, a breeze ran through the room, wafting the scent of the flannel towards her.

No. 

Jackie was not going to allow this to rule over her. 

Still, everything that came with that scent took control - the memories, the images of Jan she had in her head, the _love_ \- there was no escaping that. A near-photographic memory wasn't going to allow Jackie the freedom, her mind like slideshow each night, every single image of Jan that she had stored in her memory popping up as she tried to sleep.

After that instance, she would tuck her herself in the corner of the school’s library, letting the screen burn in front of her as her mind wandered. 

A year ago, she was a girl with a stupid crush, and suddenly, only a dozen months later, she was a woman with her heart broken. The lights above her left spots in her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling, tracing the tiles mindlessly, thinking about the nights she had shared with Jan.

The texts from her mother, informing her that Jackie would be meeting a friend of a friend’s son when she arrived back from college for the summer, burned a hole in her pocket. Her mother, who had never known that her own daughter was in _love_. Her own daughter, her own flesh and blood, couldn’t trust her enough to tell her that she did not need to be set up on dates with men she would never marry. Jackie had never thought of buying a ring, but something inside her told her one day she would, for Jan. 

Jackie wouldn’t, not anymore, she thought bitterly. Jackie threw the world that Jan and her had made to the side, to appease her mother, and to appease a part of her she hadn’t known was there. The part of her that knew that her mother would never be proud of her with someone like Jan. Jan deserved to be with someone who did not need to fight those inner battles, she’d think. 

Jan was the epitome of the light after the storm, in Jackie’s world, but Jackie never felt like anything more than the storm cloud that had blocked out Jan’s sun.

When she arrived back at her apartment, she would look at the small rainbow flag that Jan had bought her, wanting to hurl it in the trash, or hurl. 

She’d look at her unmade bed, imagining Jan on the other side, her blonde hair cascading around her like the afterglow of their nights together. Her desk, full of blank cards, ones that matched the same love notes she had been leaving at Jan’s dorm the entire school year. A note under her pillow, for Jan to find after Jackie had gone back to her own apartment; a note hidden in a textbook chapter that Jan would be getting to next week; or a slip of paper hidden in Jan’s box of _Teddy Graham_ , like a prize in a cereal box. Her small, messy closet, full of the stuffed animals that Jan had gifted Jackie over the last year. 

That was a terrible idea, because Jackie couldn’t even open the closet anymore without seeing the stuffed toys, and she needed her clothes. 

All of the reasons why Jackie found excuse after excuse to leave. She threw herself back into the gym, five nights a week, giving herself an hour of nothing but the beating of her own chest and the blasting of her music in her ears. Every motion was muscle memory, all of her rest periods spent dragging her eyes along her shoe laces or the creases of the benches around her. 

The library stayed open until one in the morning on Thursdays, so Jackie stayed up until one, too. Knowing that Jan had been in her apartment that day made Jackie feel sick, so she brought her textbooks and read for hours, trying to get the blonde out of her mind. Eventually, the words became nothing to her, her eyes going over the page again and again, nothing coming through. She had read the same paragraph four times, gaining absolutely none of the information, and wondering why she was even there. Why she was even in college, why her mother even let her escape to New York City. just why. Why she ended up here, alone, in pain.

There were women. There were always women, especially in the big apple. At the library, at the gym, in class. There were men, too, men that left bile in her throat in their wake, men who stared but never asked, men that made her want to claw the rainbow pin off of her backpack. The men her mother would want her to marry.

The women, though, they looked. And she tried, she tried so hard to look, and to smile, and to be someone to someone else.

A week had gone by, and she loved no one except for Jan. Not even herself, she could never, she would think. 

Jan asked her to stay, and Jackie left. Now, Jackie had to pay the consequence, and live with the guilt. She had to live with the last image she had of Jan, looking up at her after their kiss, with so much hope in her eyes. Silently begging for Jackie to stay, gripping the hem of her shirt, trying to keep Jackie against her body. 

The words of her textbook swirled into the images of that night, so Jackie shut the book. She could go home a little earlier that night.

* * *

Jackie had planned on dealing with this all by herself. 

Planned was the keyword.

Her friends were _not_ the most ‘subtle’ or ‘vague’, or ‘yeah I’ll stay out of your business, Jackie, take as long as you need’ type of people, so Jackie should not have expected any less. 

Rock had taken the news just as Jackie expected, which was terribly. She cried into the phone, about how her “parents were divorcing” and how “real love didn’t exist”, and Jackie felt like she might have been projecting a bit. However, after the pink haired girl calmed down, she managed to ask how Jackie felt about it all, and they had a good makeshift therapy session (because Jackie had been avoiding her own therapist for two weeks).

So, it wasn’t Rock who had called Jackie, spammed her text messages, and filled up her inbox until she had picked up that Friday. It wasn’t Heidi either, or Nicky, or even Crystal, calling to check up on one of her best friend’s exes for fun.

It was _Gigi_.

 _“Are you fucking kidding me, Jackie?_ ”

Jackie rolled her eyes, even though Gigi couldn’t see her. “As if I haven’t heard this lecture already.”

This lecture _was_ familiar, but not from any of her friends. After she had arrived home from Jan’s dorm, she stared at herself in the mirror for hours, asking herself why she had done what she had done. 

The next morning, the mirror was moved.

“ _What is your issue?_ ” Gigi broke Jackie out of her thoughts. Gigi was _mad_. Jackie had never angered, really, _anybody_ before, not to this extent. She wasn’t even sure why Gigi was that mad anyway. Had Jan told her what happened?

At the end of the day, though, she knew this call would be no help. Maybe she shouldn’t have picked up. “I don’t need this right now.”

 _“Someone needs to keep your ass in line._ ”

She glared at the floor. “I can make my own decisions,” She began walking aimlessly around her kitchen, picking up various objects and placing them back down. 

Gigi bit back almost immediately “ _Clearly you can’t, you self destructive asshole._ ”

There had been a time in high school where Jackie thought that her and Gigi might have been friends, but radio silence from the brunette after college started squashed that thought. Sure, Jackie hadn’t made an effort to text her, either, but that was who Jackie was. 

Long story short, _literally what was happening?_ “Why are you being such- such a dick right now?”

She could hear Gigi scoff, in that ‘are you serious’ sort of way. “ _Because you made a stupid decision that not only affected_ **_you_** _, but the girl you love!_ ” 

That thought definitely came from Crystal, Jackie surmised, because Gigi sounded like she was in some high school drama film. “What the Hell do you know?”

“ _Jan has gone completely AWOL, what else could have happened?_ ”

Jackie paused. “She… what?” 

Crying, yeah, that was Jan. Spilling her guts out to anyone that would spare the time to listen to her, Jan loved that. Keeping things inside, avoiding her friends, and going off the grid? Jackie couldn’t begin to imagine what was going through Jan’s head. That was new, and that was scary.

“Ugh, are you stupid? We haven’t heard from her for a week!” 

She stilled, letting her eyes wander around the marble of her kitchen counters. There was a stain from a coffee mug she’d have to remember to clean up after this call, letting her finger run around the ring of coffee. “Is she okay?” Her voice was soft.  
  
Gigi’s was not. “Yeah, I bet she’s great, Jackie.”

She threw her head back, clenching her empty hand into a fist. “Don’t fucking make this about me, I did what was best for us!”

“ _You did what you thought was best for you, and it’s not even what’s best for you!_ ” Gigi’s voice cut through every single one of Jackie’s thoughts, every single argument she had been making for why she and Jan should never have worked and would never work.

Her own silence felt suffocating, and would mean everything to Gigi, so she barely stuttered out, “Speak for yourself.” 

“ _Okay_ ,” Gigi was moving around, the distinct sound of rustling bed sheets just barely making its way through the line. Jackie could hear Gigi’s feet land on her wooden floor. _“You know why I made you tell Jan how you felt_?”

That question did not need an answer, she thought, so she kept walking, faster, back into her bedroom. Back into the familiarity of herself.

“ _Because I saw how you looked at her, and I’ve seen how you still do! You love her!_ ”

Nothing made Jackie feel how Jan did. 

Not just Jan, though, but the mention of Jan, hearing her name in conversation, seeing her name written out. Just a glimpse of the three letters did something to her, made her heart skip a beat, she hated it. She hated it, now. 

She hated how Jan made her feel. Safe. Loved. Loveable. 

“That doesn’t matter, anymore.” Her voice was solemn. She knew what she had done, and she had made her bed and slept in it. Jan was gone.

“ _You told Jan for months that you would fight for her if she fought for you, and you walked away when she actually_ **_did_** _!_ ”

“I _hate_ myself, Gigi!”

Gigi was silent, for _once_. Jackie stared at her wall, letting her eyes run over the bumps in the paint, the shadows cascading over her closet door, the pattern of her lamp shades. Her breathing felt ragged, despite having stilled a minute ago.

“I _hate_ what I am. Every week my mother called me, and I sat on this bed, with a rainbow flag to my right and Jan asleep on my left! She tells me about a new boy every fucking week, Gigi! A new boy for me to go run off with and start a family, when all I want to do is graduate and start a family with Jan! At least now, Jan isn’t next to me when the calls happen!”

Gigi sucked a breath in when Jackie had finished, and let it out so slowly that Jackie could barely hear. There was silence - one, two, three seconds - until Gigi spoke again. “ _You never told your mom?_ ”

“How can I?” Jackie’s voice cracked. “How can I tell my mom, when I know how the story will end?”

A door open and closed on Gigi's side, and Jackie wondered in Crystal was listening, if Crystal was home, keeping Gigi in line. _“You gave up Jan for your mom?_ ” Gigi’s voice was soft, but incredulous. “ _Your mom, who knows two things about you? Those things being your first and last name?_ ” Jackie had to roll her eyes at that, knowing there was no way that Crystal was there. This was Mean Girl Gigi™, who was terribly cliche in her insults and just generally rude when she had a point to make.

“You wouldn’t understand!” She threw her free hand up, letting it land harshly against her leg.

“ _Then make me understand, Jackie! Because you’re not making any sense!_ ”

She wasn't making sense to herself, either, but she tried. “My mother is the only mother I’ll ever have! Jan, she-” she paused, biting her lip. “There can be other Jans.”

“ _You sure about that?_ ” Jackie knew that Gigi would let her run in circles, coming back to the same arguments, as long as Gigi got the last word. 

Jackie wasn't escaping this unscathed.

“It’s stupid to think that I’d marry the first person I’ve ever dated.”

 _“Fuck off with your shitty statistics_ ,” Gigi spit out, and Jackie could hear the anger crackle through the line, biting at Jackie’s ear. “ _Your life isn’t a probability, it’s just your fucking life. Things happen. Let them._ ”

“The numbers _matter_ -”

Cutting her off, Gigi basically growled into the phone. _“Run the fucking numbers again, then. I’m not dealing with your excuses._ ”

She felt defenseless, taking hit after hit in this conversation. Every word Gigi used was another arrow into her, and she was trying to pull them out like she was grasping at straws.“I’m not trying to excuse anything!”

“ _You broke Jan’s heart for a woman who, frankly, sucks dick_.”

She gasped. “Gigi!”  
  
Gigi continued on, “ _Jan loves you for you! Your mom loves you for- for someone she’s made up in her own head!_ ” 

Jackie’s blood ran cold. Her voice was low and steady, but she sounded more angry than she ever had. “My mom loves me.”

Gigi paused, swearing under her breath. _“I mean, shit, yeah- I’m sorry, of course your mother_ **_loves_ ** _you, but she won’t ever_ **_accept_ ** _you!_ ” 

“Well…” Jackie looked over to the side, where the only picture of her mother in her room sat on her bureau. Jackie was barely twelve when it was taken, with her father’s arm draped across her shoulders, and her mother’s hand resting firmly on her back. 

She couldn’t lose her mother. 

“ _Why would you take that?_ ”

Her father had been smiling, bright and happy, his smile resembling her own in so many ways. Her mother’s smile was soft, reserved, but lovely all the same. Her eyes looked just like Jackie’s, and Jackie saw them every time she looked in the mirror. “I don’t know…” 

_“Well figure your shit out, Jacks. I love you, but I love Jan, and I’m not gonna let you do this shit to her._ ”

The phone was light in her hand as she stared at the photo. Little twelve year old Jackie, who had just discovered the world of sapphic fiction and incognito browsers. Small Jackie, who had always known never to utter a word of who she was to her mother. Who had been hiding almost half of her life. “Whatever.”

Gigi wasn’t having any of Jackie’s spaciness. “ _Yeah, whatever, Jackie. Call me when you don’t have to put the phone up your ass to talk to me_.” 

That made Jackie scrunch her nose, squinting her eyes. “What?”

“ _I’m saying your head is in your ass. Goodnight._ ” 

With that, Gigi hung up the phone, and Jackie was left with a lot more questions than before the call started, and the image of her mother fresh in her mind.

* * *

School had become nothing to Jackie. She went, she did her work, she left, she did her homework, she turned it in, and that was that. There was no thought, no worry, nothing ran through her mind. The week slipped by in a whisper, and suddenly it was Thursday night, not too long after Jackie’s last lab.

An hour was wasted washing dishes that were already clean, before she set up the dinner table for one. Just one. Her roommate had gone out for the night, like she always had, and Jackie wondered if she’d ever have someone around who wanted to stay.

Because Jackie was an idiot, and literally pushed that person away. 

Was it worth it, to push Jan away, for her mom, who would stay conditionally? For her own pride, that could easily shatter?

Thinking about this only hurt, so she continued to distract herself by counting the prongs on her forks and the ridges of her knives, itching to open her phone, but keeping her hands at her side. 

Shallowly swallowing her dinner had taken her almost forty minutes, as she barely having the stomach for it all (even though it wasn’t much). She retired to her bedroom, rubbing the palm of her hands over her eyes, before turning her head to take it all in. It had never seemed so empty. She had never been one to keep up so many photos, but she had had a few, some of prom, some from the summer. Then, she heard that familiar buzzing coming from her nightstand, hoping it wasn’t Gigi to verbally attack her (it was a little warranted, but Jackie didn’t care) again.

It wasn’t.

 _Brita  
_ _[7:42 PM]  
_ _can we talk?_

Jackie wasn’t really one to be surprised by… anything. Everything she did was calculated, or at least thought about for hours before she did it. “Are you serious?” She asked her phone, pulling the screen closer to her face. When did she even get Brita’s number?

She remembered, of course, immediately after asking the question. Jackie got it the day after her and Jan’s first date, because Brita wanted to make sure she could keep tabs on Jackie, just in case Jackie ever broke Jan’s heart.

All she could do was laugh off the sentiment, while Jan had felt embarrassed by her overprotective friend. Neither had thought it would be necessary, nor did Jackie ever think she’d be the one to do it. Not after all of the pining, or the-

 _Oh, forget it_ , Jackie thought to herself. She was not going down that road, again.

 _Jackie  
_ _[7:45 PM]  
_ _Uh… okay?_

The typing animation showed up, and it left a sinking feeling in Jackie’s stomach. The anxiety clawed its way from her stomach to her throat, trying to escape, but she swallowed it down and turned her phone off until the notification lit it up again.

 _Brita  
_ _[7:47 PM]  
_ _i know we know like nothing about each other but im jans best friend and i need to tell u something even if it kinda sounds dumb at first ok_

 _Jackie  
_ _[7:48 PM]  
_ _Alright, shoot_

Did that sound cool and collected? Jackie was sweating bullets, honestly. Somewhere inside of her was a vague idea of what Brita could say - something about Jan being an absolute mess, and Jackie being at fault, and how Jackie needed to “step up or gtfo” or some internet slang Jackie didn’t know - but there was no guarantee.

 _Brita  
_ _[7:51 PM]  
_ _when aiden broke up with me it wasnt bc she didnt love me anymore_

Okay. That was completely out of left field. Jackie went to respond, but saw the speech bubble pop up once more, signifying that Brita had more to say. 

She tapped her foot on the floor, waiting with baited breath. Every now and then, a thought would pop into Jackie’s head about what Brita could say next, causing another pang of anxiety to ripple through her chest. 

To be fair, she had wondered what had gone down with Brita and Aiden. They had left town, going off to colleges only a city apart, and when they came back, something wasn’t the same.

 _Brita  
_ _[7:53 PM]  
_ _its bc she pulled so far away that she lost me b4 she even lost me_

 _Brita  
_ _[7:54 PM]  
_ _wait that doesn’t make sense_

Jackie scrunched up her nose at Brita’s text-antics, chuckling slightly, but never smiling.

 _Brita  
_ _[7:54 PM]  
_ _like_

 _Brita  
_ _[7:56 PM]  
_ _i didnt wanna break up and she was scared so she stopped texting me and then i saw her for winter break thinking everything would be fine and it wasnt_

 _Brita  
_ _[7:57 PM]  
_ _bc she pulled away and i let her and even when i would call her she would be so far away_

Jackie had never really known Brita, but this _hurt_. It was the kind of feeling she got when she remembered that Rock’s first love had booked it across the ocean as soon as Rock had admitted how she really felt ( _that’s not fair_ , Jackie would think to herself, _Nicky had applied to college long before Rock came into her life_ ), feeling that subtle burn in her chest. 

She wouldn’t really consider herself an empath or anything close ( _that was Jan_ , a voice would say in her head. She hated that voice. The best parts of life reminded her of Jan, and she wasn’t sure if that was because Jan was just so unbelievably sweet, or if Jan was just the best part of life), but love? After finally knowing how it could make someone feel, she knew how badly someone could want it. How badly someone could crave that love, and fight for it. 

To know Brita had lost it before the fight even began… That felt like a punch to the gut. 

_Jackie  
_ _[7:59 PM]  
_ _I’m sorry…_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:00 PM]  
_ _i loved her_

She shuffled through her other open applications, checking _Instagram_ , reading through her notes to see if she had anything due soon. Was she supposed to respond? Was Brita waiting on her? What was she supposed to say to that?

Where the Hell was Brita going with all of this?

 _Brita  
_ _[8:03 PM]  
_ _we ran our course i think. i miss her so much but it was right person wrong time_

Right person, wrong time. That’s how she felt about her and Jan, and it was true, wasn’t it? Jackie still wasn’t strong enough for Jan, she had to let her go. She made the right choice, Brita was here to finally affirm that.

But...

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:03 PM]  
_ _How can you know for sure?_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:05 PM]  
_ _she made me laugh and got me like no one else but she couldnt tell me how she felt and i wouldnt ask_

Jackie and Jan talked. Never too much - never enough to make Jackie worry - but enough that they always knew where the other stood. After Jan’s mini-freak-out in November, they made sure to always be open.

When Jackie wasn’t open, it built up inside of her. And she broke up with Jan. 

_Brita  
_ _[8:06 PM]  
_ _aiden doesnt care where she ends up but i dont think she wants to follow me and i wanted that_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:07 PM]  
_ _there were a million reasons we cant work_

Jackie looked up from her phone, to stare at the mirror that was set above her dresser. Her brows were lowered and her lips were pursed. She stared, letting her eyes wander around her face, and neck, and shoulders. 

She was older, now. Older than she’d ever been, but she didn’t feel wiser. She didn’t feel closer to the stars, not like she did when she first arrived in the city. 

A part of her stayed in Jan’s dorm when she left. 

Another text notification tore her away from the mirror.

 _Brita  
_ _[8:11 PM]  
_ _do u see what im getting at?_

She sighed, thanking God that Brita had asked. Assumptions were Jackie’s worst enemy.

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:12 PM]  
_ _Honestly, no._

 _Brita  
_ _[8:13 PM]  
_ _aiden and i ended bc we had to. and i miss her but i dont resent her for what she did._

Jackie squinted at the screen. Did Jan resent her? 

She should. Jackie gave Jan every single reason to never want to see her again. Jackie pushed and pushed and pushed until she forced herself out of Jan’s life, and she hoped Jan hated her for it. Jackie deserved to be kept up at night by the sound of her own heart beating, she deserved to see Jan in everything.

The rabbit hole never ended. 

_Brita  
_ _[8:15 PM]  
_ _i dont think what she did was a waste. but what u did was_

Fuck. Brita was not here to make Jackie feel like she made the right decision. 

“Fucking pathos,” Jackie muttered.

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:17 PM]  
_ _Of course…_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:18 PM]  
_ _i know jackie, believe me, i fucking know. im sure rock has already said the same thing or smth but u threw away something that wasnt broken_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:19 PM]  
_ _i watched me and aiden fall apart and i had to accept we were done. there was nothing i could do to stop it_

 _Brita  
_ _[8:21 PM]  
_ _i wish i was you. i wish i had what u and jan had. u could have made it. u want the same things and are going towards the same place. u had it all._

Unsurprisingly, Jackie was sort of an idiot. But sometimes, her big, smart brain finally turned on its frontal lobe, and she made the connection.

Jackie _was_ Aiden. Jackie _was_ Nicky.

But… worse. Jackie didn’t have some big, French college to run off to, or, or a fear of abandonment, that caused her to pull so far away that she lost one of the only real relationships she had ever had. 

Jackie let her mom win out, and she threw everything away, and threw away a woman who only wanted Jackie to feel loved. The only person in her life who wanted Jackie without conditions, who let Jackie be whoever she wanted to be. The only person that didn’t ask for Jackie to _be_ someone, but made Jackie _want_ to be someone.

Oh, _fuck_. 

_Jackie  
_ _[8:25 PM]  
_ _How do you know it’s not too late?_

The nail of her thumb was already chewed low, but that didn’t stop her from resting it between her teeth, awaiting Brita’s response.

 _Brita  
_ _[8:26 PM]  
_ _jans ur girl, and ur jans. aiden was never mine._

Her eyes glazed over. Jan was _her_ girl. She was Jan’s, forever and always, her heart belonged to that woman. 

Aiden’s had probably never belonged to anyone, not even herself.

Why did everything have to be so hard?

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:28 PM]  
_ _I’m sorry, Brittany. You deserve happiness, and you’ll find it._

 _Brita  
_ _[8:29 PM]  
_ _idk. maybe i need to stop looking for it and just be it for me_

Brita may have been typing with her auto-capitalization off, and probably would have been using emojis if not for the seriousness of the situation, but no one could tell Jackie that Brita wasn’t smart. 

Jackie smiled, really, for the first time in a few days. People like Brita deserved the world, let alone happiness.

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:31 PM]  
_ _That’s a really good idea._

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:31 PM]  
_ _Thank you, for everything._

 _Brita  
_ _[8:32 PM]  
_ _yeah ofc. i want jan to be happy and u too_

 _Jackie  
_ _[8:33 PM]  
_ _Thank you, again. I’ll make things right._

 _Brita  
_ _[8:34 PM]  
_ _atta girl :)_

She mirrored the smiling emoji, letting go of the breath she had been holding for probably the last week and a half. 

With her phone finally set on her bedside stand, off completely, Jackie set down on her desk, and took out one of her empty cards. 

With a calligraphy pen in one hand, she wrote.

She wrote, and wrote, and wrote, until three cards were filled, yet she only had more to say. 

She wrote until she started repeating herself, and, then, all she could do was stare at the ten cards that lined her desk. Her heart and soul were bared. She didn’t deserve to have Jan hear how she felt, about how sorry Jackie was, about how stupid she felt and how she felt like such an idiot for letting her mother control her. One letter wasn’t for Jan, though. 

One was for her mother.

Only one of those letters was getting mailed, with a picture of Jackie, her father, and her mother attached.

* * *

The next night, Jackie was ready to go to bed early, at least for a Friday night. By eleven, she had showered and brushed her teeth, and there was nothing left for her to do but check to make sure she had written down all of her homework. 

When she had finally turned off all of the lights in her room, she laid on her stomach, tucking her arms underneath and pillow and willing sleep to take her away.

Until, like with Gigi and Brita, she heard the sound of her phone going off.

 _Jan  
_ _[11:48 PM]  
_ _i need to see you please. whenever youre ready._

Jackie sucked in a breath. The screen burned at her eyes, and she could barely keep both open, but she needed to read it, again and again. 

How was she supposed to respond to that? She had so much to say, so much she needed to tell Jan, but…

It was eleven at night and Jackie wanted to sleep. 

_Jackie_  
_[11:53 PM]  
I can do Sunday_

There was always Sunday.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go! I wonder what's gonna happen now - Sunday! Two weeks after their original break up! Oooo!
> 
> I don't have much to say today, I guess? I'm just sort of satisfied with this. I like the dialogue in Brita's section best, but I like the descriptions in Gigi's section best. Idk. I hope you all liked this!


End file.
